SO FINE.

Mr. Seung Lao.

I just put LaKaia to bed in her playpen/daybed. I’ve yet to decipher what it is, actually. For now, I’ll just call it her Box. I could come up with several names to call it, but The Box seems appropriate for now.

I’m sitting here in front of my computer’s flat screen monitor, thinking about Mr. Lao. He’s one of our IT programmers for the hospital’s new software distribution somethingoranother. I don’t know if he’s corporate or not, but I just know I have a massive crush on him.

I’m out of diapers. I’m debating on whether or not to go out NOW or go out LATER when LaKaia wakes up. Skye is with his father for the weekend. No more computing today. For now, I’m going to finish the book I was reading earlier; Toni Morrison’s, The Bluest Eye.

I’ll get diapers later.

I’m in need of guidance.

I haven’t had to use WIC in a long time and I’m terribly afraid of sinking down to government assistance if things don’t change soon.

I need to do a lot of things.

Give Frank the book code.

He knows what to do with it.

Took the kids out for a Sunday brunch at Ihop. I think I ate too much.

If I start not making sense, tell me.

I’m annoyed. He threatened me again. Empty promises is what I say.

But it still lingers in my mind that he could think to do things like those.

So it did cross his mind to even mention it to me.

Where are YOU when I need you here with me??

I think I like HIM. bUT he’s so much of an asshole that I just don’t want to focus on him all the time. He treats me and my kids well, but like I said, he’s too much of an asshole to deal with. Shit. i think I’m becoming uninhibited. Maybe this just happens when I drink?

Urgh.

Basement Jaxx — Good Luck

Tell me tell me is life just a playground
Think you’re the real deal honey
And someone’ll always look after you

But wake up baby
You’re so totally deluded
You’ll end up old and lonely
If you don’t get a bullet in your head

Good luck good luck
Good luck in your new bed
Enjoy your nightmares honey
When your’re resting your head

You sold me sold me
Sold me down the river now
Hope you’re feeling happy now
Now you’ll always have a sneer in your smile

But wake up baby
You’re so totally deluded
You’ll end up old and lonely
If you don’t get a bullet in your head

Good luck good luck
Good luck in your new bed
Enjoy your nightmares honey
When you’re resting your head

And I’m glad so glad that I’m done with you
No more crying crying leaving me so black and blue
You backed me up against the wall but I stand tall
Don’t give a damn no more

Oh baby bye bye
No more lies
No more lies
No more lies
Without you

Good good luck
In your new bed
Enjoy your nightmares when your resting your head
Good good luck
In your new bed
Enjoy your nightmares

Good luck good luck
Good luck in your new bed
Enjoy your nightmares honey
When you’re resting your head

I can totally relate to these lyrics. And I love this song because it sums up my life but I have two beautiful children out of it all. I made a promise to never get married again. Ever.

The other day, I was talking to my friend, Cara, whom is the least of my friends that I like to talk to, but she has helped me out on occasion, but at great pains to her. Anyway, I was asking her about our new rotating work schedules and instead of focusing on me and what I have to say, she wasn’t focused but instead kept talking to her boyfriend on the cellphone. Its not too hard to ask, but I just wanted to know about the schedule since I live way across town. I backed off from her conversation but when she was done after seeing me distancing myself from her, she answered my question.

This happened when we were both waiting for the bus. I should have just asked for a ride from one of the night techs. At least I would’ve gotten to hear about that person’s day or how their life went instead of having to listen to some blithering idiot on her cellphone.